'Tis I, everyone's favorite weekend warrior, broadcasting from the heart of the Wood. But not for much longer. I am but a few short hours away from my last weekend in Hell. As you may or may not know, yours truly, in a completely unexpected turn of events, ended up being the honor graduate. While others were busy asking Sergeant if they should go ahead and get Lance Corporal chevrons put on their uniforms, I sat quietly by, biding my time and thinking about things like home and PopTarts and at what age Lindsay Lohan was actually possessed by Satan. But mostly home. And PopTarts. After attaining the highest score (a perfect one, I might add) on the final TRAM test and finally finishing training, Sergeant said, "Yeah, you did good. Now go mow my grass." Then, to make a long story short, he called me into his office along with two others and asked who we thought had won. They each pointed at the other, and then he said my name and I was like WHAAAAT and they were both like WHAAAAT and I proceeded to do the Get-Down-Lance-Corporal-naNAHnaNAH dance and then Sergeant was like Shepherd you're getting promoted NOT!!! and the 2nd Place was like SWEET and Sergeant was like NOT!!! and 3rd Place was like SWEE- and Sergeant was like NOT!!!!!! and said he won't promote 1st or 2nd because we're Reservists and he doesn't like Reservists and we're like WTF??? and he says that 3rd place won't get it either because 3rd place is just too low and 3rd place is all like WTF??? and then we were all told to get back to mowing...and then he shot my dog and fed my first-born to a pack of rabid sloths and left my PopTarts in the toaster too long. And that was the end of that.
WTF, indeed.
Now I must depart, for the lunch break is nearly over and I have to get back to buffing the floor in SSgt.'s office and wondering why he even bothers to buff his heinous floor in the first place.
I wish everyone well, I hope Zeke returns from his sojourn soon and with pictures, and I shall see you all on Tuesday.
Lance Corporal Phil.....NOT!!!
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4 comments:
Poor, Phil. Sorry that your Sgt. is a sorry you-know-what. At least you know in your heart that you set a goal at the beginning of MOS school and accomplished it. Just get the heck out of dodge and come home!
Phil!! You like totally crack me up! I have missed reading your "words of wisdom" and adventures. I used to love to read your posts on myspace. It makes me so happy to get to keep up with you again!! I, too, am sorry your Sgt. is being such an ARSE. Just want you to know how very, very proud we are of you! Can't wait to see you. HUGS!!
Phil, congrats on being the honor graduate. OMGoodness! A perfect score! I am so proud of you; WTG!!!!
Sarge is indeed a horse's patootie. I would like to get my knee on him (or the well-placed sharp toe of my shoe); he would no doubt be singing soprano for the rest of his sorry life! Hell hath no fury like a proud aunt scorned over an injustice to her favorite nephew!!!
However, this bum cannot take away what you have accomplished, and he certainly cannot diminish the pride we all feel in what you have done. Come on home ASAP, and let's begin the celebration!
Hugs.
Phil,
Dude you are rock'in with your perfect scores. Come home soon..... Ella has been wearing her shirt with pride. You will see if I ever get this pic posted.
lov,
erin
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